One of the main purposes of couple counseling is to rebuild love in relationships. This exercise helps you understand how to do so in a practical way. Imagine that your relationship holds a bank account, a love bank. Just like with your checking account, when the balance is large life feels happy and free of stress. However, when that account is in the negatives, there is worry and distress. Even when the account is close to zero, there is concerns about money being taken out and constant worry that the balance will drop into the negative. This is why is makes such a difference to have a high balance in the account.
The same is true in the love bank in relationships. When the balance is high both partners feel loved and valued. Whenever a partner does something nice, thoughtful, and pleasing for the other a deposit is made into the love bank. But when a partner does something that is unpleasant, a withdrawal is made. However, it has been shown that one negative act, no matter how small, takes around five positive acts to balance. It is like depositing one dollar bills and withdrawing five dollar bills. Just like with the checking account, when withdrawals are made and the love balance feels low, these withdrawals are more threating and cause even more distress in the relationship. However, if the balance of love is high than one small withdrawal may not feel as threatening. This is why it is so crucial to invest deposits regularly into the love bank of your partner. When both people feel loved and valued, conflicts are not as detrimental.
What is also important to be aware of when investing in a love bank is currency. If you are trying to deposit Euros in a bank account that runs on the American dollar, the deposit may not be as effective as intended. It is important to learn what makes your partner feel loved. One helpful way to think about currency is love languages. Which of the following makes your partner feel more loved, physical intimacy, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation or gift giving? It is recommended to take the love languages quiz to complement and enhance this exercise to better understand how to invest in your partners love bank.
In the same way it is important to be sensitive to what consists of a withdrawal in your partners love bank. What might not bother you very well might bother your partner. Taking the time to communicate and identify withdrawals in each other banks is another component of this exercise. Even if you are investing deposits regularly, if you are also making large withdrawals regularly, the love bank will still be empty. Having a high balance in the love bank requires reducing withdrawals and also continuously making deposits. When the love bank balance is high you and your partner will feel more loved, valued, and close to one another.
